Friday, August 10, 2012

Baby Train

And with a visit to the doctor's office this afternoon the baby train has left Station Parks for good.  I had a 12 year IUD put in, meaning I'll be 40 before I need to worry about getting knocked up again.  A tiny part of me is sad; growing up I never pictured myself being a mom with only one child, and Jason and I have gone back and forth over the years about whether or not to have more kids but, at the end of the day, I’ve never had the urge to have another baby like I did with Eva.  I wanted her with every fiber of my being, and I sort of expected I’d get that same feeling again someday but… almost 5 years later, I’ve still never had more than a “maybe it’s time to have another so Eva isn’t an only child” desire.  I’ve never needed another little baby to cuddle or hold.  So, I guess I’m the rare mom who stops at one.  Of course, if we did have another baby, it would be loved and adored beyond measure- but kids come with so many other things these days.  The sheer thought of affording $300 dollar a week daycare again on top of Eva’s almost $10k a year school gives me cold sweats.  And as much of a good (dare I say great) baby as Eva was, there’s no guarantee that #2 wouldn’t be a screaming devil who has colic and hates sleep.  Add to that the fact that I almost died having Eva and the decision has just sort of become clear to us. One and done.

I talked with Eva about it last night, I said that mommy won’t be making any more babies in her belly, so she won’t  have a little brother or sister.  She was sad at first and kind of made a pouty face, but when I explained that it’s because she’s so wonderful that she’s all that mommy and daddy need and that it means she has so many more opportunities to do fun things, she gave me a big smile and said okay.  It might be hard on her over the next few years.  It’s so prevalent to have a sibling that she might feel like an outsider, but we’ll have lots of fun hanging with baby Jack once he’s born and I’m sure she’ll make other only-child friends.  Nearly 25% of all American households now only have one child and only-child families are the fastest growing type of families in America and Western Europe.  

I wasn’t sure how I’d feel when I left the doctor’s office today.  I didn’t know if I’d cry or just be in a bad mood from the uncomfortable procedure… but as I walked out the door and the sun hit my face, I surprised myself with how happy I was.  It was almost like a weight, the weight of having another baby or not having another baby, had been lifted and I could smile at the fact that I have the rest of my life to devote to the most perfect daughter I could have ever asked for.  No more second guessing or wondering, I know we made the right choice and I plan on spending every single day being the best mom Eva could ever hope for! 

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